so i walked up the stairs of the student union to this hidden bathroom that's always empty. but this time the door to the bathroom was wide open and there was this homeless guy washing himself in one of the sinks. this was unacceptable for several reasons. firstly, whether in front of a homeless guy or a barack obama, i was ashamed to be seen bringing my coffee into the stall with me. i can write about it ex post, but at the time it was just too weird. secondly, i knew i was in for a monster dump, and since the bathroom door was wide open i felt kind of insecure... i mean the only good thing about this bathroom is that it's hidden, so proclaiming to the world my bowel explosions wasn't what i was going for. and lastly, i was scared that the homeless man would do something to me. so i left.
today must be opposite day because then i checked a more popular bathroom and it was empty. to my surprise and delight, even the toilet seat seemed clean; clean enough to place my bare bottom sans a toilet-paper shield. i put my coffee cup on the flat part of the toilet (like the part attatched to the flusher) and dropped an efficient yet explosive diarrhea. in that time a few people walked in and out, but whatevz. they did their own thing, i did my own thing, and they had no idea i had in my stall a perishible food item i planned to consume later. i waited till everyone left to walk out of my stall with a coffee cup and a banana (oh yeah i had a banana), knowing i probably looked like a dude walking out of a starbucks... except it was out of a bathroom stall. washed my hands, checked myself out, and quickly left. mission accomplished.
so here i am, sitting in the student union, drinking my coffee. hopefully particles of diarrhea didn't float into the small slit at the top of the cup or latch onto the insulating sleeve. WOW! and look who just walked by! it's the homeless guy from the first bathroom. i should buy him a cup of coffee.
in conclusion, i broke the no-food-while-pooping rule and i'm alive and well. let's buck this social trend and accept one another, in defecation and in life.
8 comments:
i had a friend who would always pee while she was brushing her teeth. would that be related to the no-food-while-pooping rule? it's not eating or drinking or pooping, but your post just reminded me of that.
and i'm not sure if you can really say you broke that rule, because technically you weren't sipping coffee and taking bites of banana in between diarrhea explosions. well maybe you did and just didn't give us the details... which is fine.
words of wisdom to live by. i am inspired to relieve myself with my coffee without feeling shame.
i find empty cups in the sbux bathroom all the time and im always weirded out by it. i shall be weirded out by it no more. instead i will think of you everytime it happens.
Heed the wise words of our friend K Wizzle, "now that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger."
now the next bit of advice you should take is to fold your tp not crumple. you crumpler.
i knew a guy who ate while on the toilet all the time.
i am not his friend.
i drink take coffee into the bathroom all the time at work. i also eat while on the toilet...i didnt know it was weird? to me its all about being efficient, might as well eat while i'm on the toilet/drink coffee/brush my teeth since i'm not doing anything else. it's not like i wipe my butt and then eat a sandwich...that would be kinda gross.
what an inspiring post. what is your take on going #2, then immediately showering afterwards in the same bathroom? I feel that this would taint my shower experience as the smelly air particles get trapped and absorbed into my open and vulnerable pores. So in a way it's worse than the no-food-while-pooping rule.
wow i had no idea about the particles. but now can understand why toilets are installed separated by room or wall. and as for my washroom at home which has no barrier, at least my toothbrush is on the other side of the sink... away from the zone
Post a Comment