the window has closed! / hipsters vs hippies / anorak christmas / social smoking

this post is not about hip hop.... so feel free to read it.

i'm listening to this mix i made before i went to brussels. actually i initially made this mix for someone else, but i ended up just adding to it until it became an assortment of songs that i'd listen to all the time. and so i've associated most of the songs with experiences i had, like going to night markets, getting mugged, walking in late to work (this happened every day... i am not a morning person) or just making dinner or walking around on the uneven cobblestones of brussels. and now i'm taking a little stroll down memory lane, listening to this mix while working on my thesis.

i just got back a little while ago, but already i feel rooted in davis again. brussels is in the definite past, if that makes sense. and now that i'm kind of reflecting on my time there, i've made a little theory: the time it takes to settle down in a place is the only time you have to make changes in your life, and after that window of opportunity closes, you're more or less stuck in the direction you're headed and the group of people you're with. of course friendships evolve and a few changes may happen here and there, but in terms of huge overhauls, life decisions, new commitments and stuff like that, those only happen when you're in the midst of transition.

once that window closes, once-unimportant things become priorities. like... getting sleep, or spending alone time to reflect, or sticking to your schedule. people become more risk averse, less spontaneous, and more inward-focused. that is to say, focusing on their careers, their personal mental or physical health, and their close group of friends or whatnot. anyway, i think i had about a 2 week period where i was still energized to do new things and i think i did a pretty decent job to orient myself in a way where now i can at least still learn new things and be stimulated and stuff. i started working on the student farm which has been really fun, i got in touch with the people i wanted to continue talking to, i'm recommitted to finishing my thesis and am making headway there, went to a few shows, i go to the bay area more often.... things i cut out of my life are hanging out with hipsters, sleeping, and exercising.

well that was all probably very boring but sometimes it's nice to just talk about yourself to... yourself. as i said i am in a reflective mood. moving on ->

a friend told me recently that i'm becoming a hippie. or more that i'm becoming how she used to be, since i work on a farm and we happen to be eating at this really hippie restaurant called "the farmers kitchen." i took offense to that because, well, i don't really care about the environment enough. and by enough i mean at all. and on several other occasions, people have called me a hipster which i don't like. it's like being called the typical youngest child, as if i can't see that that's a euphemism for someone who is spoiled and irresponsible.

i started writing out a definition of a hipster but it came dangerously close to just describing myself. :(

i still don't think i'm a hipster. i mean, am i like this?

hipsters be damned!.... when will you accept me as one of you?

anyway lately when i've been writing blogs, i never know when to stop so they become really long, boring and as i've been informed somewhat emo. but the show must go on. this reminds me of when i was in 8th grade science class. let's just say i wasn't the coolest kid in class. i bought this anorak and in the winter i started wearing it, and some punks in the class thought it would be funny to put stuff in the hood. that was funny for a while but then one fateful day, this kid pulled my hood, causing me to jerk my head back and make a weird noise. well they thought this was hilarious so they did it more often. as a self-conscious teenage kid, i didn't really know how to respond. i should have just not worn the anorak anymore since i looked pretty stupid constantly getting whiplash, but i didn't want to give the bully any more satisfaction by letting him know he had won. so i kept wearing it, every day, until the end of the year, even when it got hot. and you know what? i was SO HOT all year.

mine was blue, but just as goofy looking

but anyway, as i said, the blog must go one, in spite of how stupid this is becoming. it's a war of attrition and i will come out on top by sheer... attrition. ? hum.

so this is the last topic. there are many things in the world i don't understand - in fact, since high school and like socrates, i knew that i know nothing. and one thing i definitely don't understand is the idea of social smoking. i suppose the draw is that it looks cool, but what you're really doing is wasting a perfectly good cigarette. to me, a cigarette is like a special treat, one that you enjoy once in a while while you think, breathe, and slow down. i only do it when i'm alone, so i'm not distracted from the enjoyment. so in that way social smoking makes 0 sense.

i mean... for those social smokers who actually inhale the death-smoke, they're way too distracted to let the effects of the cigarette take.. effect (my vocabulary ran out a long time ago). for those who don't inhale, they end up just burning paper and making everyone's clothes smell bad. and woe is s/he who socially smokes but doesn't even like cigarettes! the jury is still out on people who only smoke when they drink. i've heard it said that it enhances the effect of the alcohol... but it doesn't do anything for in that way.

you are losers

until next time, adieu!