fin

i've had a pretty good run here in northern california over the past 2+ years but, as they say, all good things must come to an end. i've finished my thesis, gotten my master's and am shipping out to ghana for the next 2+ years to work for a research nonprofit. in just a few hours, i'll be saying goodbye to my house and my parents and all the safe confines of sacramento for something a bit more exciting.

normally, i get pretty emo when i turn the page on another chapter of my life. even that figure of speech is pretty emo. but this time i feel a bit too overwhelmed with all the changes and the lack of transition to really look back and be sad, or to look forward and be really excited. but even though the feelings aren't there, i know i'll miss a lot about california (despite my constant complaints about its inhabitants) and i'm sure i'll write about my time here ex-post, when i have a little perspective on it all.

but like i say, all good things must come to an end, and even though this blog kind of dwindled as time went on, and overall it wasn't even that great, it too must come to an end. so pretty much everything comes to an end, whether it's good or bad. anyway! the point is i'm starting a new blog, one i won't be exporting to the all-too-public facebook, but will provide here, embedded in this paragraph, the URL so that only the ones who are real interested can read it... i mean, what is the point of blogging except to get people to read it, comment, stalk (but eventually comment, that means you, whoever you are) and well here is the address - it's dgrabngrab dot wordpress dot com, so if i don't know you, you should visit the blog, don't worry i won't google analytics u and do some reverse stalking, i probably won't have time and even if i did i wouldn't. you can trust me.

okay so now i will sign off this blog forever, and i will bid you all adieu.

a quick break in thesis writing:

one thing that helps making writing about random coefficients and insurance contracts more enjoyable is listening to hardcore gangster rap. one gripe i have with rap / hip hop though is that there just isn't enough of what i enjoy, and the new guys just aren't as good as the current or older ones.

so i've taken it upon myself to find some more hip hop that will help me get through the doldrums of thesis writing, and now i will present that research to you.

usually these kinds of lists preface themselves with some line like, "if you like ___, then you'll love ___!" but in reality, i like the originals better than these new guys i am suggesting. but as i said, the volume these OG's put out just isn't enough to satisfy my needs. so here it is:

if you love: t.i.

then you'll like: pill

while t.i. goes on his year and a day hiatus in some cushy prison cell (think avon barksdale in the wire: kfc, playstation, hardcore criminals stopping their softball game so he can walk by...), someone's gotta take the throne as king of atl. well i'll tell you right now it's not pill. i don't know much about this guy and i don't care. but he put out a mixtape with some random ass producer (dj burn one..?) and let me tell you, pill sounds a lot like t.i.. he even cops some of his beats to exhibit his above-average lyrical skills. some of the songs are pretty bad, but most of them are listenable to good. so overall, pill's mixtape is worth a free download.

if you love: young jeezy

then you'll like: gorilla zoe

if t.i. is the king of atlanta, jeezy is the king of the trap. the snowman's flow is dark, scary and very addictive. befitting for a guy whose made his career flaunting his drug lord street cred. and the thing is, i think he's just getting better and better. i s2 young jeezy. if young is what you want, then young is what you getting... with the same ominous tone and life-threatening raps of gorilla zoe. that's zoe as in alonzo... not sure where that extra e came from. must be from all the beans he's poppin while he's all day trappin. like jeezy, zoe's flow is infectious and straightforward, though with a bit less character (and originality). what he lacks though is the star-studded production staff that backs dr. jeezy, though some of his songs are catchy as hell.

if you love: kanye

then you'll like: drake

you may have heard drizzy drake on the radio in one of two top 40 hits: the single "best i ever had" and as a feature on young money's "every girl." consider the latter: "what are all your names, again? we drunk, remind us/ are any of ya'll into girls like i am - lesbi-honest..." as an emcee, drake is 100 times better than yeezy. as a singer, drake is 1000 times better. he looks like a cheezy rnb star as it is, and he's a self-proclaimed workaholic who doesn't like the club scene. when he goes off on an introspective rap, he points out nuances about his insecurities that most people wouldn't realize they had. example: "transitioning from fitting in to standing out/ watchin Hov's show, embarrassed to pull my camera out." subtle and poignant.

his singles out right now are good, but don't be fooled... drake is for real.

if you love: outkast

then you'll like: hollyweerd

outkast has a special place in any self-respecting hip hop fan's heart, and i find it a bit odd that their influence isn't reaching a lot of emcees these days. in fact it's hard to find a quality hip hop "group" now, and even outkast is a once-in-a-while reunion of big boi and 3 stacks (more on him later).

there is one group of fellow atliens that are stepping into the void of genre-bending, catchy hip hop once occupied by 'kast. who am i kidding, outkast is still the best. but hollyweerd is next on the list. they're a quartet of emcees that blend hip hop, jazz and indie rock into something that's actually listenable. normally when you genre-blend everything together, what you get is some cheezy self-righteous world-music crap. hollyweerd though hits the right tone of fun-loving rappers who happen to like jazz and indie rock. and best of all, they don't rap about how hip hop is dead; they almost exclusively rap about atlanta.

if you love: andre 3000

then you'll like: b.o.b.

this is an anticlimactic ending to this list. in reality, if you love 3 stacks then you should listen to some old lil wayne if you haven't already. weezy wants andre's balls so badly it's sad, and while wayne is bar-none in lyrical creativity, he just doesn't have the musical chops or sensibility to match 3k.

the artist formerly known as b.o.b., or bobby ray, is an up and comer from atl who sounds just like andre when he raps. that and their atl connection may be the only thing that you can compare, but see for yourself. he's got several mixtapes and a proper album coming out this year.

*****

i'd post individual songs to illustrate what i'm talking about but this has taken too long... also, if the links don't work, you'll have to just do your own searching. but so as not to leave you emptyhanded, i'll give you a dirty south sampler which features pretty much all these guys. except for kanye. and.... forgive the oceans 7 song, though some may find it too catchy to pass up despite dupri's "rap".

dl mix 5: the dirty south.

mix5.zip

tracklist:

1 Funkin Around Outkast

2 Seat Down Low Lil Wayne

3 Hollie Oillie (Focus) Hollyweerd

4 Wasted (Feat. Plies) Gucci Mane

5 Shooter Lil Wayne

6 Throw Some D's Remix

7 What It Is Gorilla Zoe

8 Poppin Them Bottles (Featuring Currency & Mac Maine) Lil Wayne

9 The Art Of Storytellin' Part 4 feat. Outkast & Marsha Ambrosius DJ Drama

10 what you know T.I.

11 Hypnotize (Produced By Shawty Redd) Young Jeezy

12 Im Goin In f. Lil Wayne & Young Jeezy [NoDJ] Drake

13 Wheres The Love Oceans 7

14 International Players Anthem Outkast

15 Super Fresh T.I.

16 Pro Nails (Rusko Rmx) Hollyweerd

17 Where The Cash At Lil Wayne

18 On The Corner f Sean Kingston Gorilla Zoe

19 Streets On Lock (Produced By Cool N Dre) Young Jeezy

20 Georgia Bush Lil Wayne

silver lining

i'm not as depressed after the cavs lost game 4 for a few reasons: 1) we played really great pick and roll defense down the stretch, 2) we are going back home, 3) we're the best team in basketball and 4) we have lebron.

more on point 1 - it's no surprise that big z is pretty useless in the playoffs. he was last year and the year before. i think the idea for him being out there is to get dwight howard out of the paint using his 18 footer, and on defense to use his length to possibly get some boards. but that doesn't work when z isn't hitting his jumper or isn't involved on offense. what hurts us more is how ineffective he is against the screen and roll. he is so freaking slow that when they do their screen and roll with hedo and dwight, z shows hard and has to run (slowly) back to dwight. meanwhile a guard is covering dwight and has to wait longer to rotate out to the three point shooters while z is lumbering back to the paint. this leaves pietrus wide open for 3 where he's knocked them down consistently (unlike delonte).

but if you put andy in for z, he shows hard and gets back to the paint fast enough for the guard to cover the three point line. this was clear throughout the fourth quarter when we used a small lineup. we covered all their three point shooters, so the magic had to either drive, shoot a contested 2 or throw it into dwight. but unless dwight was within 8 feet of the basket, it was an almost automatic turnover because he doesn't really have any post moves and andy is very annoying.

it's pretty clear that if we play small we can win this series. mike brown is a very slow learner. think about this - why do you think lebron tipped off against superman in overtime? why not put Z in there? it's because he wanted our small lineup on there for the entire overtime. then why why why why, mike brown, would you put a bigger, slower guy (ben wallace) on a jumpshooter (rashard lewis) in the final inbounds play for the magic? the lineup we had was perfect - west on hedo and lebron on lewis. mike brown really let his team down by putting in a big, slow post defender in to defend a jumpshooter in a situation where everyone in the world knew lewis or turkaglu was going to shoot a 3.

if i were mike brown this is what i would do: first off, tell my team to stay home on three point shooters. go with a small lineup with lebron playing power forward throughout the game. rotate your bigs in to foul dwight, saving andy for the fourth quarter. in the first quarter, use Z to try to get howard out of his game by firing away his 18 footers and challenging him on the boards. on the pick and roll, stay home on 3 point shooters and foul dwight like crazy. if Z doesn't have 2 fouls within the first 4 minutes of next game, he's really not doing his job. joe beast is like the shorter, smarter version of Z. he should foul out next game.

as for our backcourt, play delonte for the entire game and mo for almost the whole game. play either boobie, sasha or szcerbiak, depending on who's gonna show up. the disparity in bench production doesn't matter; we just need one guy to get into double figures by knocking down shots. the more important thing is that we play small and play fast. we need to kill them in transition and disrupt the flow of their offense with good rotation on defense. we need to force dwight howard to make plays in the post and foul shots. let superman get 30. the magic cannot win without good three point shooting, and they won't get that if we play small.

i have no faith in mo's jumpshot anymore. sure he'll get his points, but he's been missing some crucial spot-up 3's, and he's forcing the issue too much. at one point he called off lebron so he could drive to the basket, where he lost it out of bounds. by the time we got it back, there was less than 1 second on the shot clock. we all know it's not a good sign when everyone clears out for lebron and he goes 1-5. why would it be a good idea for mo to do the same thing? just like last year, the second best player on the cavs is delonte. he needs to be featured more because he has a mismatch on him almost every time. tonight when rafer defended him, delonte immediately took him to the post and scored. when hedo guarded him, he took him off the dribble and pulled up for a wide open bucket. when they play him close he drove right to dwight howard and finished. the only aspect of his game that is lacking is his spot up shooting. i remember him missing 2 wide open corner 3's, which resulted in a score on the other end - a 6 point swing each time.

on point number 2 i will say this - boobie plays better at home and he looks hungry. he's not a defensive liability especially when the magic go with anthony carter, who can knock down 3s and pass but is slow and has no post up game. we only need one guy to step up off the bench to knock down shots and he'll take the call.

for point 3, i still believe we're the best team in basketball. we finished with the best record, had the biggest point differential and swept through the first two rounds of the playoffs. as long as we keep our heads together and not panic, we will be fine. that might sound too easy, but it seems like confidence is very hard to attain in the NBA. for example, Z was a pretty decent 3 point shooter in the regular season. but in this series, he's chucked it every time he's been in the corner, open or not, and not one has gone in. he's forcing it and rushing it - a sign of panic. i think if we keep our composure, amp up the tempo and play focused, cavaliers basketball, we can win 3 in a row.. actually i believe we can blow them out 3 times in a row if we play our best, no matter how well the magic play.

point 4 - lebron. even though it took mike brown 3 quarters to realize that we should be playing small, lebron almost won it for us on a 40 foot jumpshot. any time he is on the floor, we have a chance of winning.

when depression sets in...

what does a guy do when depression sets in? when it feels like fate itself is bent against him? clearly, the answer is this: post on his blog. and so here i am.

but blogging is not enough right now. my heart is broken, shattered into little shards like the T-1000 after he freezes in nitrogen and explodes into pieces of frozen flesh when arnold shoots him.

so i've thrown on some old school bright eyes to remind me that at least someone can join me in my self-pity. "and i know he heard me strumming all those sad and simple chords as i sat inside my room so long ago..." yes connor, i've heard you strumming, and those simple chords resonate the heartstrings inside me. i too have sat sat alone in my room. waiting. watching. as the cavs lose game 1 of the eastern conference finals.

they lose after being up by double digits in the third quarter. they lose after a prolific performance by the Chosen One. they lose when they know that the already crippled Cleveland economy will come to a standstill from mass depression.

this may seem like a joke to you, but it's not. i immediately left my house after the loss and went to a cafe. the lady taking my order asked me how i was. i said i was depressed because the cavs lost. she looked at me weird but, how can you blame me? who else can i turn to now besides a stranger? i can't go online to my familiar websites. espn.com is now off limits. it's on parental block. i can't check my google reader cuz of all the sports sites i subscribe to. every status update on facebook is a biblical-worthy lamentation.

after this tea maybe i'll have a few bottles of jameson and a pack of red marlboro's.

woe is me.

the window has closed! / hipsters vs hippies / anorak christmas / social smoking

this post is not about hip hop.... so feel free to read it.

i'm listening to this mix i made before i went to brussels. actually i initially made this mix for someone else, but i ended up just adding to it until it became an assortment of songs that i'd listen to all the time. and so i've associated most of the songs with experiences i had, like going to night markets, getting mugged, walking in late to work (this happened every day... i am not a morning person) or just making dinner or walking around on the uneven cobblestones of brussels. and now i'm taking a little stroll down memory lane, listening to this mix while working on my thesis.

i just got back a little while ago, but already i feel rooted in davis again. brussels is in the definite past, if that makes sense. and now that i'm kind of reflecting on my time there, i've made a little theory: the time it takes to settle down in a place is the only time you have to make changes in your life, and after that window of opportunity closes, you're more or less stuck in the direction you're headed and the group of people you're with. of course friendships evolve and a few changes may happen here and there, but in terms of huge overhauls, life decisions, new commitments and stuff like that, those only happen when you're in the midst of transition.

once that window closes, once-unimportant things become priorities. like... getting sleep, or spending alone time to reflect, or sticking to your schedule. people become more risk averse, less spontaneous, and more inward-focused. that is to say, focusing on their careers, their personal mental or physical health, and their close group of friends or whatnot. anyway, i think i had about a 2 week period where i was still energized to do new things and i think i did a pretty decent job to orient myself in a way where now i can at least still learn new things and be stimulated and stuff. i started working on the student farm which has been really fun, i got in touch with the people i wanted to continue talking to, i'm recommitted to finishing my thesis and am making headway there, went to a few shows, i go to the bay area more often.... things i cut out of my life are hanging out with hipsters, sleeping, and exercising.

well that was all probably very boring but sometimes it's nice to just talk about yourself to... yourself. as i said i am in a reflective mood. moving on ->

a friend told me recently that i'm becoming a hippie. or more that i'm becoming how she used to be, since i work on a farm and we happen to be eating at this really hippie restaurant called "the farmers kitchen." i took offense to that because, well, i don't really care about the environment enough. and by enough i mean at all. and on several other occasions, people have called me a hipster which i don't like. it's like being called the typical youngest child, as if i can't see that that's a euphemism for someone who is spoiled and irresponsible.

i started writing out a definition of a hipster but it came dangerously close to just describing myself. :(

i still don't think i'm a hipster. i mean, am i like this?

hipsters be damned!.... when will you accept me as one of you?

anyway lately when i've been writing blogs, i never know when to stop so they become really long, boring and as i've been informed somewhat emo. but the show must go on. this reminds me of when i was in 8th grade science class. let's just say i wasn't the coolest kid in class. i bought this anorak and in the winter i started wearing it, and some punks in the class thought it would be funny to put stuff in the hood. that was funny for a while but then one fateful day, this kid pulled my hood, causing me to jerk my head back and make a weird noise. well they thought this was hilarious so they did it more often. as a self-conscious teenage kid, i didn't really know how to respond. i should have just not worn the anorak anymore since i looked pretty stupid constantly getting whiplash, but i didn't want to give the bully any more satisfaction by letting him know he had won. so i kept wearing it, every day, until the end of the year, even when it got hot. and you know what? i was SO HOT all year.

mine was blue, but just as goofy looking

but anyway, as i said, the blog must go one, in spite of how stupid this is becoming. it's a war of attrition and i will come out on top by sheer... attrition. ? hum.

so this is the last topic. there are many things in the world i don't understand - in fact, since high school and like socrates, i knew that i know nothing. and one thing i definitely don't understand is the idea of social smoking. i suppose the draw is that it looks cool, but what you're really doing is wasting a perfectly good cigarette. to me, a cigarette is like a special treat, one that you enjoy once in a while while you think, breathe, and slow down. i only do it when i'm alone, so i'm not distracted from the enjoyment. so in that way social smoking makes 0 sense.

i mean... for those social smokers who actually inhale the death-smoke, they're way too distracted to let the effects of the cigarette take.. effect (my vocabulary ran out a long time ago). for those who don't inhale, they end up just burning paper and making everyone's clothes smell bad. and woe is s/he who socially smokes but doesn't even like cigarettes! the jury is still out on people who only smoke when they drink. i've heard it said that it enhances the effect of the alcohol... but it doesn't do anything for in that way.

you are losers

until next time, adieu!

2 legit 2 quit

one thing i love about hip hop that some people can't stand is the tendency for rappers to constantly refer to themselves, their crew, their money, their women, rapping skills, etc. understandably it's a form of megalomania, materialism, misogyny.. but i think one unique thing it does is legitimize the emcee as someone to be heard and remembered. referring to someone or something in the third person establishes it as something that exists in general and can be seen and heard by other people. this is true even if a person refers to himself in the third person. and if he says his name enough times in a catchy enough song, people will remember him and associate him as an emcee.

i don't mean that a rapper who says he's the best rapper alive becomes the best rapper just because he says so. what that claim does though is establish a frame of reference in which this person can be observed. in that way it makes him legit. of course when other emcees drop his name, that makes him even more legit. in academia, a professor is deemed legit when other professors cite their research. but a guy's gotta start somewhere, right?

awhile ago, i was talking to my friend dan about the korean american community in atlanta. in my mind, there's nothing for a korean american to identify with in atlanta, no concrete movement to associate with. and it's not because korean american atliens don't have an identity. i just think they haven't solidified it, they haven't put it in words or a meeting or a movement. that's one reason why the arts are so important in creating an identity for a group of people, so that they can have a point of reference for who they are. and i don't mean a song that explicitly says what it means to be a korean american in atlanta. that would defeat the whole purpose of art, since it's the only thing that can be abstract enough for different people to identify with it. it'd have to have elements that korean americans can uniquely associate with, something that they can be proud of and have fun with.

think about what it means to be a black person in atlanta. you've got rappers name-dropping landmarks in atlanta - peachtree street, magic city, cafe intermezzo, 1tweezy, the velvet room, spelman, clark, morris brown, freaknik, the hawks, the falcons, etc... and it becomes circular. now rappers drop u.g.k., goodie mob, outkast, and now t.i. and jeezy as pioneers of atl hip hop. they've forged an identity from everyday life in atlanta by laying it down in words in a style that's distinctly southern. of course there's more to being black in atlanta, but the arts have definitely helped legitimize atlanta as the black capital of america (i just made that up..)

anyway i'm not sure what the point of all this is. this is pretty boring and all just a distraction from writing my thesis. maybe i should write a rap about crop insurance. i'll spit it for my committee when i defend my thesis.

night time is the right time

i need momentum going into an endeavor to make it work. i have tons of interests but none of them pan out until i get some kind of push. examples of those can be:

• a deadline or requirement (my thesis is a good example)
• someone telling me or encouraging me to do it (... you could probably make me do anything. please don't.)
• new tools (ex: i found a cool old notebook in my closet. so i'm going to make that my bible notebook, since i don't think i can stand going to a church, maybe i can at least draw pictures of bible scenes and make that my religious activity of the week)
• new tools ex 2 - finding the list button on the blog editor thing.

driving home today i realized that i've made some headway on a few interests that i thought were impenetrable. one is agriculture, which is at once ridiculously simple (i mean, anyone can farm) yet a total mystery to most people including me. well i'm on a mission to learn more about agriculture while getting a killer farmer's tan. if you're at davis and you see me on campus, and i'm covered in dirt and sweat, it's probably because i just got off the farm, and i don't live in davis so i can't shower. so please forgive me.

also, tackling a new genre of music is always intimidating. i had always wanted to get into hip hop.. it's a really complex and rich genre and like jazz, it's an american creation. but no matter how in depth you think about it, there's always the side of hip hop that just makes for fun party bangers. it's just totally unique compared to any other kind of music - take curren$y, a rapper from new orleans who just released a CD (which is new for him, since all his other releases were free mix tapes, another unique aspect of hip hop). that he has a dollar sign in his name is one thing, but what other artist can get away with spelling his name in his songs just to clarify that it's not an s, it's a dollar sign.

... i just realized, there's no s in currency. :(

anyway the point is, after years of probing, i finally got into hip hop, and though i don't know much about the older stuff, i'd say that i'm up to date on at least a section of what's going on right now. how did this happen? i have no clue. like most endeavors, it's like i just kept running into a wall, not realizing what progress i've made until i look back. that being said... there are a few goals i've always had that i've made no headway in. like working out. or learning a language. or anything involving relationships. or spelling.

goodnight moon.

edit: i just wiki'd goodnight moon, and i read that it was written in feminine rhyme (when two or more syllables rhyme). emcees who can rap in feminine rhyme are awesome. look for it in songs and it will greatly enhance ur appreciation for how clever and thoughtful even the most crude rappers are.

quick example: lil wayne's feat in outkast's hollywood divorce -

Yea, and I don't have to go to Hollywood

cause Hollywood come through my neighborhood with cameras on

I really think they're stealin from us like a sample song
I really wish one day we'd take it back like Hammer's home
The hurricane come and took my Louisiana home

and all I got in return was a dern country song

This whole country wrong

What would you write if you just put a little ice on

and cut your mic on
but you don't even write songs
but Hollywood make you spit like a python

[this part is really hard to point out with bold cuz of how he talks...]

I meant Cobra, I'm so not sober

I'm high like a Hollywood
coffee or soda
You can call me a roller
Hold up

Your grill's glistenin'

Spent a hundred thousand on mine to feel different - what's the real sense of it?
Uhhh Bling bling, I know
and did you know I'm the creator of the term
I just straightened the perm and let it sit too long, they just makin it burn
Make a movie of our lifestyle
But they earn like a dead body burned on a mantlepiece
That's why I try not to lie on wax like this candle grease
and I be's the little nigga cooler than anti-freeze defrost on your window pane - Lil Wayne
but in Hollywood it's Litt-le Wayne
don't make me not

so that's why I got a pre-nup - I do